Over the last few months Ian has been feeling well. He has gained weight and the drop in his adrenalin levels have vastly improved his general wellbeing & mood. With funding for Sutent (Sunitinib) now being provided by Pfizer the worry over funding/money/battling the unfairness of the NHS has ended. It was a huge relief and enabled us to regain our lives. We found each other again and remembered why we had fallen in love all those years ago.
I've learned to live in the present, not worry about the future and enjoy each day. Ian has got his life back and is no longer dominated by cancer.
Unfortunately recent tests have shown an increase in adrenalin levels again. Back up to 42,000: higher than they were pre treatment with Sutent. Although he is feeling OK and we are maintaining a "Que Sara Sara" attitude there are many nights I don't sleep. Despite the reassurances from the consultants that the tests aren't always accurate and the fact that Ian is feeling well I can't help wondering if Sutent has ceased to be effective, or another "phaeo" is happily proliferating in a hidden corner of his body somewhere.
So we are spending time with friends, enjoying the often bizarre local summer festivals and Derbyshire customs. Ian is applying for tickets to every game at Old Trafford (the only place I am allowed to sing in public!) and we are hoping to see the comedian Ross Noble and possibly John Simm in Hamlet in October.
Whatever happens now my job is done. I have saved Ian's life many times now: through a combination of luck, recognising symptoms, providing appropriate care and juggling his medication. Debra, Claire, Elaine, Gill & Robyn amongst others saved me too and got me through the most despairing times.
I'm not a great believer in fate, nor do I have any faith in deities but I wonder if my early experiences in life gave me the resilience and tenacity to fight the system, manipulate the media and give Ian the best chance at life.
It's been a year now since Ian was literally dying. We've worked hard to strengthen our relationship and I'm happy we have had these 15 years of laughter & passion with all the ups and downs and have got back to where we were; the first night we met when I knew he was "the one". Many people go through this life without ever finding the love we have shared. We've been lucky. So I raise a glass to Doris Day "Que Sara Sara" (Whatever will be will be)...
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